The Happiness Trap: Your pursuit of happiness might be causing your suffering

In our latest episode of "World Through the Eyes," MyongAhn Sunim and Dr. Ruben Lambert tackle a profound question from a listener about happiness – a concept so central to human existence that it's enshrined in founding documents like the U.S. Declaration of Independence as an "inalienable right." Yet, as the hosts explore, our fixation on happiness as a default state might be causing more suffering than satisfaction.

The conversation begins by establishing the crucial distinction between happiness and pleasure – terms often used interchangeably but fundamentally different. While pleasure is fleeting and sensory-based, happiness encompasses a broader spectrum ranging from contentment and satisfaction to excitement, elation, and even potentially harmful states like mania or ecstasy. This distinction matters because our pursuit of happiness often becomes a chase for endless pleasure, creating a cycle of craving that can never be satisfied.

From a Zen perspective, the hosts explain how happiness and suffering exist in a codependent relationship – like yin and yang – where one cannot exist without the other. This creates what MyongAhn Sunim describes as a "hostage situation" where happiness is dependent on unhappiness for its very existence. We cannot truly appreciate a good meal without knowing hunger, joy without knowing sorrow. The human tendency is to want only half of this equation – the positive without the negative – which fundamentally misunderstands the nature of existence and creates suffering.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn when examining how we surrender power over our happiness to external sources. When we expect the world, other people, or material possessions to make us happy, we give away our agency. As the hosts point out, "the greater the degree to which a person can make you happy equates to the greater degree to which they can make you miserable." This dynamic explains why we're most hurt by those closest to us – we've given them greatest power over our emotional state.

Particularly insightful is the discussion about how advertising exploits our desire for happiness by creating false associations between products and emotional states. When we buy into these narratives, we forget our innate ability to find joy in simple things – a capacity that children naturally possess when they can find delight in a simple rock or leaf. The hosts suggest that as we grow "smarter," we paradoxically lose this wisdom, believing happiness must come from something complex or expensive.

The concept of "koyo" (stillness or peace) emerges as an alternative to the endless pursuit of happiness. Unlike the exciting but unstable states of happiness or suffering, contentment provides a stable foundation. Using the metaphor of a seesaw planted in solid ground, Dr. Lambert explains how we can experience the natural ups and downs of emotions while always returning to a center of peace. This isn't boring neutrality, but rather a profound, blissful tranquility that transcends the roller coaster of emotional extremes.

Perhaps most importantly, the hosts emphasize that seeking happiness isn't wrong – but it requires wisdom about what happiness truly means to you, awareness of when pursuit becomes harmful, and understanding the cost of that pursuit to yourself and others. True contentment doesn't mean emotional flatness or immunity from suffering, but rather a balanced relationship with all emotional states, recognizing them as experiences that pass across the vast, unchanging sky of your true self.